saying no

I strongly believe the more you put into something the more you will get from it. I love being involved in many different activities and building friendships and community through those activities. Unfortunately with everything I have going on right now I got to know my limits because my number one priority has to be these kids. Saying no and not over extending your self is a key part of being a good parent in my opinion. Unfortunately in this military life we live staying busy during family separations is also important. So finding the balance in between is the trick. Now that I have lots of time to myself it is very hard for me not to become very involved in my different activities to have that adult interaction and time. Just being a member and not volunteering to take on more or be involved in every extra activity is very difficult for me to do. I feel like I am isolating or segregating myself by not being as involved as I could. I know that in about 2 months there will be a new little man in my life and my time will be split between the two kids. The month of December is going to even more hectic then normal between the Holidays a new baby and visitors. After all of that passes though it will just be the boys and I on our own and we will have to see what happens to our extra activities and how much I can keep going. I love having that community environment and family you get from being involved with different groups. Hopefully I can get a handle on this new chapter of our life and we can get things back up and running and back to our "normal" routine soon? Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball. Till then I will just lay low and take care of my babies and myself.

attitude is everything

Instead of thinking of what you "have to" do for the day you should think what do you "get to" do today. The one thing I have learned from being with my Marine for the past 6 and half years is there are many ways to look at a situation and your attitude has everything to do with that. Every deployment and separation is hard and they are all different. Through the years of meeting other military girlfriends, fiancés, and wives you see many different attitudes about this life. When I was a new girlfriend and wife it was very clear to me that I choose this life and complaining about it was not an option. As I keep going down the road I realize it is not as easy as flipping a switch. Now with a child I have to hold it together and my attitude and outlook has everything to do with that. If I just fall apart or complain about anything to do with our life my son can read that from a mile away without me even saying a word. I remember when my son was an infant and would cry for no reason and I would just cuddle him and rock in the chair. I would clear my mind and just let go of everything from the day and just relax and quickly in time he would calm down right along with me. I think that lesson was a huge turning for me as a mom. So how do you change our attitude and outlook on the "stuff" in your life? It is a lot easier said then done. I think I was been raised with this outlook. My Mom was very sick while I was in high school and college and don't think other then very close friends and family really knew how bad everything was. I made a choice not to burden others with my problems and not to have a negative attitude about it all. We have all have had those friends in our lives that you now every time you talk to them you know they are going to have something to complain about. Just listening to someone with that negative attitude is tiring let alone, I could only imagine what it would be like, to live life with an attitude like that. I know if my husband ever caught wind that I was just sitting at home feeling bad for myself or complaining and having a negative attitude he would kick my butt and call me out on it. So tomorrow when you get up in the morning just choose to be happy. Focus and enjoy every little task you "get to" do and not what you "have to" do. If nothing else get on the floor and be silly with your babies they will show you what really matters!

and I thought we were getting better?

Yesterday morning I got the boy up and thought we were doing better. He slept in till 8 and was hungry. So I gave him some banana and applesauce and he was so happy with me. I thought from the day before i was just tired and we just needed one more day at home to heal. Well.... by 10 am I was so drained that I decided to put the boy down for an early nap. He protested for 15 minutes while I hunched myself over the toilet. By the time I was done loosing my breakfast he was down for a nap and so was I. That only lasted till noon and by the time a carried the boy down the stairs I had to run to the bathroom again my sweet boy followed me and hugged my back as I got sick. So that continued almost every 15-20 minutes and feeding him was horrible and forget about changing diapers. Just the smell of a wet diaper would set me off and then I had a half naked boy running around the house. So I called my parents and within minutes of them offering to come and pick up the boy I was all over it. When my Dad showed up to pick up the boy and the dog, we noticed that there was water leaking from somewhere in the garage. So I threw on a robe and walked next door to see if they had leaking too, our washers and water heaters both share the wall were the water was coming from. No leaking on there side but he called their handy man who dropped by on his way home from work. He said there was a small leak. By that time I felt so sick I couldn't even process what he was saying needed to be done. So I just asked him if I just turned the water if that would be OK till I decided what to do? The leak was so small I really didn't think anything about it. Then I went back to being one with the couch. At 4pm I called my OBGYN office to just check with them on what I should do. They said if could hold fluids down I would need to come in to labor and delivery to get an IV. I thought I was doing better when I got a glass of water down and got a nice little nap on the couch till I was awoken from my nap to go pray to the porcelain god for the eighth time in one day and there went all my water. I was so proud of myself for getting that water down. Well since I wasn't keeping liquids down I thought even though I didn't feel that bad should do the right thing and get re-hydrated. It would take my Mom was hung up at work and then it would take a hour to get down to me and driving myself would not have been smart. So I sent out some non-urgent messages to some friends to see if anyone was free to give me a ride. My wonderful friend came and picked me up and took me in to labor and delivery to get taken care of. Once I got all checked in and settled in the nurse started to try and get my IV in. Unfortunately since I was so dehydrated my little vein collapsed and she went straight through it. Well that made me a little light headed and next thing I know I am violently throwing-up and it is all over me the nurse and my poor friend was holding the bucket. It was so horrible. So after I scared that nurse off I got a new and more seasoned nurse and she got me all set up and then I could relax a little bit and just get my fluids. So finally my Mom was on her way and I had regained enough color in my skin that my friend was OK leaving me and heading home. My Mom got there and I I finished up my second bag of fluids. We got home and into bed around 2am. I slept in till 9 and have felt so much better except getting wooosie when I would stand for too long. Then that leaking pipe busted, so I just gave up turned off the water for the whole house and packed it up and headed up to stay at my parent’s house for the weekend. I guess time will only tell if we are really getting better, but I got a good feeling about it and

the plumber will be by on Monday to fix that problem. So hopefully next week will be a little bit better?

724 stars to go

Yesterday morning my car didn't start up in the morning. I quickly moved the stroller into the hubby's car and we headed out and went on with our day. Later on my Dad came over and we charged my battery and got my car working. Today my day started when I picked the boy up out of the crib and got puked on. It was just clear liquid that came up so I fed him a banana and gave him his milk. Within 15 minutes it was all coming up. So I call the pediatrician and got in at 9:45. The car seat was still in the hubby's car so we drove that to the dr. On our way the poor little guy threw up all over himself, car seat, and car. I only had a change of shirt for him with me so I stripped him out of his puke soaked clothes in the Dr. office parking lot and took him in nothing but a shirt and a diaper. I got the little guy checked out and we were told nothing but pedialyte for 12 hours. We went home and watched some toy story and had some pedialyte popsicles while I started to clean the car seat. Then with my restless unhappy kid we walked to the store for more pedialyte, since the car seat was being washed. When we got back from our walk he went down perfectly for a nap. During naptime I charged through car seat cleaning and puke laundry. I got the car seat clean and put back into my car (which I thought was fixed). Woke the boy up from his wonderful nap changed his diaper and put him into the car. Then the car decided not to start again, so I used the battery charger and jumped it and hoped for the best and headed to my 30-week prenatal check-up. The boy proceeds to puke all over this car now. So for the second time today I stripped him in a parking lot and changed his clothes, this time I was a bit more prepared. Thankfully my mid-wife let me do my check-up with my sick toddler painted onto me and then offered to get me a flu shot so I would pick-up what he has. We got back into the car for it not to start again. Called roadside to get a jump. So we just played in the car, it is a great jungle gym and roadside only took 20 minutes and we got back on the road. We were going to go to get the car looked at and then the boy started dry heaving again, so scratch that and we went home. Snuggled on the couch and more Toy Story. Then we got a quick video chat with Daddy and the off to bath time. If all else fails just put you kids in water, he hadn't been so happy all day long. Once I got him down, again my Dad came to my rescue to get the car under control and got it checked out and I got a new battery put in it and we should be good to go. I am washing the car seat for the second time today and scrubbing the yucky straps and soon to go to bed after that. I know for most people having a day like this while their other half was gone would have sent them of the deep end. Realistically if my husband was home he would have been at work all day and my day would have gone pretty much the same way. The only thing that would have changed is at the end of the day my great man would be sitting next to me right now, which would be great. This is not what I had planned on writing about today but then life happens. So 1 week down 103 to go and hopefully they are not as eventful as this week, but I am sure this will not be the last. Oh well hopefully tomorrow is a little bit better. We will see.

Baby Bump update- 30 weeks

30 weeks already! Crap I need to get my act together for this poor kid! I feel like I have done nothing for this poor kid who will be here in just 10 short weeks. Now that we are into the 3rd trimester my engagement ring has been put away for now and we will see how long I will be able to keep wearing my wedding band. My husband got to see me grow for 6 more weeks then he got to with my first pregnancy, he was very amazed to watch the bump grow in those six weeks. Sleep is not happening as much as I would like, but I will take anything I can get. Being 30 weeks with a very clingy toddler (i am hoping it is a phase) who likes to be carried and to hug on me a lot of the time. Just getting comfortable with this bump is very difficult I am tossing and turning all night from side to side. It is amazing to me in the next 10 weeks he will more then double his weight. At 30 weeks the baby is about 3 pounds and my little boy was 7 pounds 1 ounce at 39 weeks. It is fun to be pregnant a second time and get to compare notes and to be a little wiser this time around. I am very glad that we are here if anything where to happen we have so much wonderful family and friends so close by, that I don't worry at all about being pregnant alone with a toddler. That coupled with the fact that we got to skype with Dada tonight I think I will sleep very well tonight. All you got to do is move your feet and you ass will follow and take it all one day at a time.

i need more hands

So now that I am doing this single mom thing I am forced to deal with the fact that I only have one pair of hands. I still have not figured out how to take out the trash. I would move all our trash to outside and then my husband would walk it down to the dumpster at the end of our building. I physically can do this but logistically I have yet to figure it out. The problem is I need 2 hands to take out the trash if I bring the little boy with me I need one of those hands to hold his hand? I think about doing it at naptime and I think that is the only logical solution to this problem. I just get paranoid leaving my baby (soon to babies) asleep in the house while I walk to the dumpster. Everything else I will just need to adjust to since I have been spoiled for the last 15 months. Things like going to the park, making dinner, making sure when we go upstairs or downstairs we have everything we need so we don't have to take more unnecessary trips up and down the stairs (since there will be nobody else in the house to grab what I forget). 

There are good parts to being the lone parent. For starters I never need to have a conversation about who is doing bath time or what the plan is for the day because everything for the most part is my call and my responsibility. With that said some how I have to get my glucose testing done Monday very bright and early on my own with a toddler. I am hoping while I have to stick around for an hour for the test they will let me walked around the building with the little guy and I will be very prepared with lots of snacks. I am sure once #2 gets here this lack of hands issue will be taken up to another level, but we will just cross that bridge when we get there. Unfortunately you cannot plan and prepare for everything, you just got to live it. Nobody else can really help you do that, you can get tips and help from family and friends along the way, but truly these family separations are just something you got to do on your own and find your own way to make it work.

731 days to go...

All 731 stars are up and I am ready to rip them all down! Well it is official the hubby is in route to his new "home" for the next 2 years. He started traveling yesterday evening and will not be to his final destination till tomorrow morning. We are hanging in there. I do my best not to cry or break down in front of the boy. The last 30 days have been such a blur of just doing everything fun and not thinking about how crappy and hard this is going to be on us all. Both last night and tonight after I got the boy out the bath he went to look for Dada to get his goodnight kisses, so he has his Daddy doll in his bed with him and keeps kissing on it. That is what kills me at night, but if he didn't look for Dada I think it would crush me more. I miss my husband and we know we are doing the right thing but that doesn't make it any easier. We love our kids so much and this is the life we have chosen, it will get better in time, it always does. For now I just got to keep breathing and get through this first week and get into our new schedule. Sigh.... time for some more ice cream.