Let's try again

Well lets give this blogging thing another try! What can I say but I have 2 kids and my hubby is gone on an unaccompanied tour, things are busy. Instead of playing catch up I am just going to pick up where we are on this journey and move forward.

My first year as a "single" stay at home Mom of 2 was crazy to say the least. My baby was not sweet he was a screamer and my 2 year old pulled out every terrible two behavior you could think of. The nights the baby did sleep i spent tossing and turning over what I was doing "wrong" with my two year old. On top of all that I had the same annoying reality of how my life scares people away. This has always been true through all of our deployments, lots of people offer help and open arms. Most of that is lip service, when shit hits the fan, people have their own lives and really my little crazy life is not on most peoples radar. This little pitty party would play in my head on those sleepless nights.
Now that 2013 is here and I have an amazing 14mo old who sleeps like a champ and minds anything i simply just ask him and a great 3 year old who is potty trained and very good at communicating himself, things are looking down right rosy! As my new years resolution I wanted to just spread the love and just give little homemade gifts (thank you pintrest!) as random acts of kindness all year long. I really don't think anyone knew how hard of a time i was having last year and truly most of never really know what is really going on behind those strong smiles we put on. So please just get out there and spread the love, it is the greatest gift we have to give.

the screaming banshee

Well it has been awhile but here i am again. My little guy is mow 9 months and on night 2 now of his screaming banshee routine. I am at a loss to what to do with him he nurses and beats me up in the process wanting to feed for comfort but not wanting me to touch him at the same time. He stays latched on but pushed out from my body on his hands and feet, it is quite the juggling act. Then when he is finished with that goes to pulling my hair and hitting me while screaming as loud as humanly possible. i often wonder what i did in a past life to deserve this, was i an ax murder or something and this is just karma catching up to me? Being on my own with the hubby away is tough enough and i will do anything to make this kid happy and not to wake the toddler but often i am at a loss to what to do. We have another well check tomorrow so more questions will be asked but i fear the answer will just be some kids do this and in time this too shall pass. with my first i could anticipate his wakings and have a drink or 2 if planed according but not with this guy. I fear that he could need to nurse no matter how awful he is to me at any time.  In these dark hours of night i often wonder if this kid even likes me he loves my mom and will just let her rock him all night. since i am up and he seems to have settled for a bit that i will take a show to clam myself now. I really just feel like my heart has been ripped from my body my little baby who i should love (as much as my other) really in my eyes just hates me and on some level i feel the same for him.

Potty training!

My big boy is 27 months and we are doing this potty training thing. After LOTS of recommendations from all my mommy friends I decided to go with the 3 day potty training program. Today was day 2 and things are going well. I am not going to lie it is messy and very hard for me to do on my own with a 5 month old to watch as well. Day one was nothing but near misses, we just did a lot running to the bathroom. By the end of of day one while I was trying to get the baby down for the night and the only time I wasn't on Scott like white on rice, he actually started telling me and running on his own. Need less to say we didn't make it (i was nursing the baby) even though i put the baby on the floor and ran in after him. This happened twice during bed time, that bathroom was quite a mess, but he was talking and running in the right direction. After being up with the baby for an hour last night I didn't wake up before Scott so wet the bed this am. Then we had our one and only accident for the day! He held it as long as he could all day. After lunch started squirming and said yuck and I ran him and he peep and pooped! Amazing is all I can say, day 2 and we actually had poop in the potty! Then I put him down for a nap immediately after that and he stayed dry the whole time and then held out till 5pm to pee again. He really wanted to make sure I knew who was in charge of this whole situation. Bed time went well with both kids and we didn't have any accidents. But this is the cutest moment of this whole potty training thing today with my big boy was after bath and books right before bed. All day when he went pee in the potty I would make a big deal out it and then when he went poop in the potty i did the best celebratory dance you have ever seen. So when he was trying to go potty (procrastinating bed time) he said "mama dance" and while sitting there started waving his hands over his head. It was just too darn cute! We will see in the morning how day 3 goes, and then on Wednesday we have preschool and that will be the first time we will be leaving the house, fingers crossed! Good night, just remember just keep moving your little feet!

Catching up

I know it has been a long time since I wrote last but lets see if I can get this train back on the tracks.

We are now down to only 506 days till we are all back together again, but we are in the midst of planning a trip for daddy to come home and visit. It will include us all going to WDW and then coming home to enjoy each other till he has to return. My baby is now 5 months old and I think we have turned a corner on his tummy and sleep problems. He is a lot happier now when he wakes at night and goes back to bed with ease. The key I think was I have now cut all mint from my diet, my daily candy canes and gum fixes are out the window for now. My big 2 year old seems to be ready for potty training, we got all our supplies to give it a go this weekend, so wish me luck! I on the other hand am not ready for this next big step it just seems to be one more bit of my little bits of freedom is being taken away. Instead of diapers and changing them when it works for me, i will be rushing and finding bathrooms everywhere we go now. Over crazy lives are settling down again after a crazy April full of visitors, Easter, preschool field trip to Sea World and my birthday to celebrate. I think now it is doable to try to train for the AFC half marathon in mid August now that the little guy is doing better on his sleep, but I am going to hold out on buying my ticket till I know I can handle it, we will just have to see how it goes. Daddy is back in Oki after a little trip to North Korea for the rocket launch. I hope to type again soon and often now that life has settled down a bit. Bye for now and just remember move your feet and everything else will follow.

just a little frustrated today

so my birthday is in less then a month and my "world peace" birthday wish (that won't happen) would be that those people out there with the judging eyes (you know the ones at the park with the robot children who ask to play) would live one day in my shoes and just realize #1 there is nothing wrong with my parenting and #2 there is nothing wrong with my kid

I want to take three months off to...

SLEEP! Well that would be nice I would love to get caught up on cleaning and organizing everything in this house. I never really ever seem to get caught up on this. Even on my best weeks there is always a hidden pile of stuff i don't feel like dealing with at the moment. I keep trying to tackle a new project but there never seems to be enough time. Well and then there is the fact that my babies are still small and most people will agree that babies grow fast and I don't want miss any of it. Then I received a gift from my sister in-law that contained this poem which puts it all in perspective, I hope you agree. Enjoy!

Song for a Fifth Child

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

why I am grateful for my hands

Today my hands accomplished so much today. Here is the run down:

• Carried 2 kids down stairs twice
• filled the Milk sippy 3 times
• filled the water 2 times
• held and nursed the baby 8 times
• drove to preschool
• help the toddler on the playgound
• sang tick-tock with Scott and lifted him into the air
• kept the toddler from hitting, implemented 5 time outs
• made grilled chesse lunch
• made salmon pasta dinner
• cleaned all the bathrooms
• rotated laundry
• unloaded reloaded the dish washer
• shine the sink
• wash 2 babies and get them in bed
• changed about a dozen diapers
• held the baby while eating my dinner with one hand
• and lot of hugs

i think grateful is an understatement considering everything I do on a normal daily basis, i guess I will give them a break from typing for the night.